- Going into a hard conversation, establish shared goals - we’re on the same team - Email exacerbated disagreement, less persuasive, leads to conflict - Social media - Good for connecting and disseminating info - Bad for conversation - this should be taken to in-person - Social media is horizontal / shallow, not vertical / deep - Listening is not endorsement - You don’t have to like someone - How to go into a contentious discussion - Think: I’m going to learn something from them, I’m going to speak my own truth, I’m going to grow from this - See [[Growth mindset]] - Listening is actually good for you - Increases your [[Empathy]] - You enjoy the conversation more - Make sure you’re OK before you start the conversation - Important to have a growth mindset - Feedback becomes much more personal because it’s something you can’t change - This relates to the conversation about race we’re having in this country because white fragility can stem from a fixed mindset that says “I am not racist“ - Psychologically we respond to criticism as we would attacks on ourselves instead of as a gift - see [[The biology of anxiety]] - [[Emotions are data]], not directives - Listen to understand - Pretend you have to teach what you’re listening to to another audience in 48 hours. You’re a translator - Listen for core ideas - It’s powerful to translate what the person said to another audience in front of them – they can see that you got it - [[The backfire effect]] - Good conversation takes energy and focus - Make sure you have plenty before starting - The power of [[Empathy]] - When you hear someone’s voice telling their story, there are experiments that show your brain waves sync up with theirs - If conversation is so good for us, why do we avoid it? - Research is still out on this one, but it has to do with fear #podcast #politicology